INSTANT WISDOM > TOPICS > FOOD

                     QUOTES ABOUT FOOD AND DRINK
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Fortune Cookie: Next time read the fortune befo... [bitten off]

Computer Chip - Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities
while programming.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing with
ingredients you forgot to buy, using utensils you don't own, to make a
dish even the dog won't eat.

People who buy diet soda by the case are missing the point of diet
soda.

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don't need an appointment.

Waiter, there's no fly in my soup! -Kermit the Frog

I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

Once during prohibition, I was forced to live on nothing but food and
water. -W.C. Fields

A new study says that over half of all Californians are obese. In fact,
half of Californians are really two-thirds of Californians. -Jay Leno

I just bought a cured ham. I wonder what it had?

Red meat is not bad for you  Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Unsure about which brand of packaged food to purchase? Buy the one
with the fewest number of ingredients whose names you have trouble
pronouncing.

I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you
must eat it with naked fat people. -Ed Bluestone

The noblest of all dogs is the hot dog; it feeds the hand that bites
it. -Laurence Peters

No matter what you eat it comes out looking like shit. 

If They Don't Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain't Going. 

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!

Ham and eggs - a day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for
a pig.

The food that you get in art museums is institutional revenge for
the art that you get in restaurants.

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with
chocolate. -Charles Dickens

When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish 
what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips, a gallon
of ice cream and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. 

One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am
having a good time. -Nancy Astor

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
-Dylan Thomas

The fate of a nation has often depended on the good or bad digestion
of a prime minister. -Voltaire

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he
eats for a lifetime.

Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm. -Dutch Proverb

Life is like a box of chocolates...You never know what you're gonna
get. -Forrest Gump

It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a
substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more
reliable than a man. -Miranda Ingram

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.

Give a man a beer, he'll waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, he'll
waste a lifetime.

After dinner rest a while, after supper walk a mile.

For a good appetite there is no hard bread.

He that eats till he is sick must fast till he is well. 

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Too many cooks spoil the broth.

You canít make an omelet without breaking eggs. 

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
-Rita Rudner

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless
there are three other people. -Orson Welles

A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat.
-old New York proverb

In a restaurant choose a table near a waiter. -Jewish proverb

If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no
calories.

Americans have more food to eat than any other people and more diets
to keep them from eating it. 

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough
to eat six." -Yogi Berra

No clever arrangement of bad eggs ever made a good omelet. 
-C. S. Lewis

"As with most fine things, chocolate has its season. There is a simple
memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct
time to order chocolate dishes: Any month whose name contains the
letter A, E, or U is the proper time for chocolate."
 -from Chocolate: The Consuming Passion

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that
a balanced diet?

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

How do you tell if Herring has gone bad? Does it start to smell good?

Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled
when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled
when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing
but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is
already.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants. -A. Whitney Brown

At our local restaurant, you can eat dirt cheap - but who wants to eat
dirt?


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