COLLECTION OF QUOTES 7 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Proverbs are like butterflies, some are caught, some fly away. Of evil grain, no good seed can come. Words hurt more than swords. Don't bite off more than you can chew. When the itch is inside the boot, scratching outside provides little consolation. -Chinese proverb My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. -Mark Twain No furniture is so charming as books. -Sydney Smith It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. -Robert Benchley Murder is a crime. Writing about it isn't. Sex is not a crime, but writing about it is. Why? -Larry Flynt An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys! You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever. Cleaning the house when your kids are still growing up, is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing! A song is not a song until it is sung. A bell is not a bell until it is rung. Love was not put here to stay. For it isn't really love, until you give it away. Experience is the best teacher, but the school fees are heavy. Trouble is only opportunity in work clothes. It's a wise husband who will buy his wife such fine china that she won't trust him to wash the dishes. Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. Be careful of the words you say, to keep them soft & sweet. You never know from day to day which ones wou'll have to eat. An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it. The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention. No one grows old by living; only by losing interest in living. The men who try to do something & fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed. Americans have more food to eat than any other people and more diets to keep them from eating it. The real act of discovery is not in finding new lands, but in seeing with new eyes. -Marcel Proust When you are born you are crying and everyone around you is smiling. Live your life so that when you die you are smiling and everyone around you is crying. The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. -Benjamin Mays I wear my wife's eyeglasses because she wants me to see things her way. -Jayson Feinburg The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful. "I do" is the shortest sentence in the English language. Also the longest. And the things that we fear are a weapon to be held against us... -Rush Time is like the snowflake that on your finger lit. It disappeared while you were thinking of what to do with it... The best vitamin for making friends: B1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories. It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite. -Sam Levenson I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't. - Mark Twain Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a q-tip! -Homer Simpson It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. -Homer Simpson The aim of education should be to teach us rather how to think, than what to think - rather to improve our minds, so as to enable us to think for ourselves, than to load the memory with the thoughts of other men. -Bill Beattie Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. -Albert Einstein You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. -Sacha Guitry Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. -Philip K. Dick Mind over matter: If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up. -Martin Niemoeller Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. -George Bernard Shaw Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools. -Gene Brown Efficiency is intelligent laziness. -David Dunham Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. -Anne Morrow Lindbergh People generally quarrel because they cannot argue. -Gilbert K. Chesterton You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. -John Ciardi Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel is turned off until further notice. We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us. Good morning is a contradiction of terms. -Garfield (by Jim Davis) We don't stop playing because we get old... we get old because we stop playing. The devil you know beats the devil you don't. The test of literature is, I suppose, whether we ourselves live more intensely for the reading of it. -Elizabeth Drew Friends are relatives you make for yourself. -Eustache Deschamps He is not poor that hath not much, but he that craves much. -Thomas Fuller I like to think that a good painting (or a good poem or a good book, or any good thing) can be measured by how much, after experiencing it for a while, you start to forget that it was made about someone other than you. -Andrew Hershey The fellow who does things that count, doesn't usually stop to count them. The greater the difficulty the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests. -Epictetus We live in deeds, not years: In thoughts not breaths; In feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best. -David Bailey If Columbus had turned back, no one would have blamed him. Of course, no one would have remembered him either. Don't quit when the tide is lowest, For it's just about to turn; Don't quit over doubts and questions, For there's something you may learn. Don't quit when the night is darkest, For it's just a while 'till dawn; Don't quit when you've run the farthest, For the race is almost won. Don't quit when the hill is steepest, For your goal is almost nigh; Don't quit, for you're not a failure Until you fail to try. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. I don't get even, I get odder. If a cluttered desk is characteristic of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean? If it isn't broken, fix it till it is. Me a skeptic? I hope you have proof. If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings - including this one. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege. Byron Elbows' two rules of human nature: No one is as weird as they think they are. Everyone is weirder than others think they are. Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep. -Albert Camus We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful. If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. -George Gobel The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist. -Aaron Machado I have not yet begun to procrastinate. Don't count your chickens before they cross the road. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Compiled 1999 by Jiri Matejicek, Instant Wisdom. Feel free to copy anything you like. If you decide to redistribute the whole file, please leave this note within - including the URL.