COLLECTION OF QUOTES 34 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife only has 2 complaints. Nothing to wear and not enough closet space. "Why is infinitesimal such a long word?" "Why is 'eternal' shorter than 'momentary'? ...and 'eon' shorter than 'nanosecond'?" "How is it possible to read the word 'invisible'?" -George Carlin Some people question the need for daylight-saving time. But daylight is the only savings many people have right now. -Jimmy Kimmel Hundreds of people in Washington, D.C. reported seeing a U.F.O. today. Aliens, if you're searching for intelligent life, you've got the wrong town. -Craig Ferguson Graduation: Permission to work for 40 years. I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone. -Tommy Cooper You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'. -Tommy Cooper Iím a light eater. When it gets light, I start eating Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. -Dave Barry The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work. Customer Service Sign: Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders. If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite. Every successful enterprise requires three men: a dreamer, a business-man, and a son-of-a-bitch. Peter McArthur Everybody's business is nobody's business. - Thomas Babington Macaulay Getting sued by your record company for making 'uncommercial records' after twenty years in the business, that's even better than receiving a Grammy. -Neil Young Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing, but nobody else does. -Stuart H. Britt The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. -Winston Churchill History suggests that capitalism is a necessary condition for political freedom. Clearly it is not a sufficient condition. -Milton Friedman It is not the employer who pays the wages. He only handles the money. It is the product that pays the wages. -Henry Ford The executive exists to make sensible exceptions to general rules. -Elting E. Morison The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. -Ambrose Bierce Good hours, excellent pay, fun place to work, paid training, mean boss. Oh well, four out of five isn't bad. -Help Wanted Ad, PA newspaper, 1994 Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. -Tom Robbins Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do. -Oscar Wilde A closed mind is a good thing to lose. A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago. Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art. -Tom Stoppard Every work of art is an uncommitted crime. -Theodor Wiesengrund Adorno If you want to be incrementally better: Be competitive. If you want to be exponentially better: Be cooperative. Courage is a quality so necessary for maintaining virtue, that it is always respected, even when it is associated with vice. -Samuel Johnson The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. -Alden Nowlan Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. -Samuel Ullman In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later. -Harold Geneen The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency. -Bill Gates Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people. -David Sarnoff It is unfortunate we can't buy many business executives for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth. -Malcolm Forbes When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. Grandmothers are just antique little girls. A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first. -Lois Wyse The quieter you become, the more you can hear. -Baba Ram Dass Just as the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a butterfly. It is not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game ever starts. -Addison Walker You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company can't explain, in ONE SENTENCE....what it does....it's illegal. -Lewis Black Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility. -Ambrose Bierce We didn't actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure. -Keith Davis If all else fails immortality can be assured by a spectacular error. -JK Galbraith Those proud of keeping an orderly desk never know the thrill of finding something that they though irretrievably lost. -Helen Exley Their oral agreement isnt worth the paper its written on... The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. -Oscar Wilde Advice: the smallest current coin. -Ambrose Bierce You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you. -Yogi Berra Half the lies they tell about me aren't true. -Yogi Berra I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. -Steven Wright I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. -Steven Wright They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded. -Steven Wright It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either. -Mark Twain When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion -Ethiopian Proverb Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." -Mary Anne Radmacher Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. -Buddha If fate means you to lose, give him a good fight anyhow. -William McFee Fairy tales are more than true - not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten. -G. K. Chesterton Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. -Albert Einstein Hate leaves ugly scars, love leaves beautiful ones. -Mignon McLaughlin Making millions of friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a friend who stand by you when millions are against you. Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. -Martin Luther King Jr. Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. -Martin Luther King Jr. Quotes are nothing but inspiration for the uninspired. -Erma Bombeck Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. -Erma Bombeck A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities. -William Arthur Ward Its not about who you have known the longest but who has stayed by your side the longest. Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. -Oscar Wilde We canít do anything to change the world until capitalism crumbles. In the meantime we should all go shopping to console ourselves. Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I canít even finish my second apple pie. Some people become vandals because they want to make the world a better looking place. -banksy It doesn't matter if you try and try and try again, and fail. It does matter if you try and fail, and fail to try again. -Charles Kettering A hug is worth a thousand words. A friend is worth more The world breaks everyone and afterward some are stronger in the broken places. -Ernest Hemmingway Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly. -Robert H. Schuller As you were, I was. As I am, you will be. -cemetery Just when I think I can make ends meet, someone moves the ends. It's not premarital sex unless you're planning on getting married. Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company. -Mark Twain What hurts us isn't what we don't know. It's what we know that just ain't so. -Mark Twain Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. -Groucho Marx Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle. -Kahlil Gibran Small deeds done are better than great deeds thought. Success comes in can, failure comes in canít. He is able who thinks he is able. -Buddha Recognition is the greatest motivator. -Gerard C. Eakedale If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea. -Antoine de Saint-Exupery Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing. -Albert Schweitzer People prefer to follow those who help them, not those who intimidate them. -C. Gene Wilkes Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. -Harriet Braiker ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Compiled 2010 by Jiri Matejicek, Instant Wisdom. 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