COLLECTION OF QUOTES 31 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Some people are like slinkies... not really good for anything, but it's still fun to watch them tumble down the stairs. Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen. -Winston Churchill Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. -Fred Allen Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped. -African Proverb Drawing is putting a line around an idea. Land is the only thing God ain't making no more of. You can't change the tides, but you can learn to swim. I haven't failed, I just found 10,000 ways that won't work. -Thomas Edison Candy is dandy But Liquor is quicker -Ogden Nash If you stay ready, you ain't gotta get ready. -Will Smith Live for something or die for nothing! But he who dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose. -Anne Bronte Guts win more games than ability. -Bob Zuppke Don't let sleeping dogs lie. Insist on the truth. -Jiri Matejicek The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...' -Isaac Asimov Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together. Each time history repeats itself, the price goes up. We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory. A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. Don't snort coke, snort Dr. Pepper. After being turned down by numerous publishers, he had decided to write for Posterity. -George Ade Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend. -Jules Renard A rose without thorns is like love without heartbreak; it doesn't make sense. The rose has thorns only for those who would gather it. -Chinese proverb Examine what is said, not who speaks. -Arabian Proverb I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. -Edgar Wallace According to a new study, ladies and gentlemen, you can improve your memory by watching less TV, doing crossword puzzles, eating more fish - I can't remember all that. -Dave Letterman The U.N has evidence of global warming. And right now they are working hard, around the clock to do nothing about it. -Dave Letterman Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye. Early to bed, early to rise, and your girl goes out with other guys. You should learn to love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. -R. A. Dickson If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace. -John Lennon If you can't feel gratitude for what came to you, be thankful for what avoided you. -Todd Beeler From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. -Winston Churchill Everyday courage has few witnesses. But yours is no less noble because no drum beats for you and no crowds shout your name. -Robert Louis Stevenson Nobody gets to run the mill by doing run-of-the-mill work. -Thomas J. Frye I think it's easy to mistake understanding for empathy - we want empathy so badly... It's hard and ugly to know somebody can understand you without even liking you. -Thomas A. Harris, Hannibal One falsehood spoils a thousand truths. -African Proverb You never achieve success unless you like what you are doing. -Dale Carnegie A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods. "When will my raise be effective?" "The same time you are." - Wally, Catbert (from Dilbert) ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform. The frog does not drink up the pond in which he lives. -Native American Proverb Another sign seen at a swimming pool: Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no P in it. Please keep it that way. This is not art to me, all these squares and things. Real art has, you know, like a madonna in it. -Unknown (from a guest book at an exhibition of modern art) For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. -Ralph Waldo Emerson I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. -Oscar Wilde By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher and that is a good thing for any man. -Socrates Anger at lies lasts forever. Anger at truth can't last. -Greg Evans Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. -Judy Garland Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. -Pablo Picasso The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. -Terry Pratchett Armor - The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day? We must not kill the earth, we wouldn't know where to bury it. -Michel Granger Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world. -Ralph Waldo Emerson Remember...a developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already owns a house in the woods. -Dennis Miller Beer Coat: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at three in the morning. All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others. -Henry Youngman Love is only a dirty trick played on us to assure the continuation of the species. -Somerset Maugham “I’m not as think as you drunk I am” Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts. -Finley Peter Dunne More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government. Well, that's because the three stooges are more likely to get something done. -David Letterman In giving you are throwing a bridge across the chasm of your solitude. -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. -Daniel J. Boorstin The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations. -David Friedman Art is creating something beautiful where nothing existed before. I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. -Bill Cosby I am not young enough to know everything. -Oscar Wilde Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself. -Chinese Proverb Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea. -John Ciardi Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. -Newt Gingrich Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. Kind words are short to speak, but their echoes are endless. Economics is an entire scientific discipline of not knowing what you're talking about. The great French Marshall Lyautey once asked his gardener to plant a tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow growing and would not reach maturity for 100 years. The Marshall replied, 'In that case, there is no time to lose; plant it this afternoon!' -John F. Kennedy Let no man pull you low enough to hate him. -Martin Luther King Jr. I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it. -Thomas Jefferson Have the courage to be ignorant of a great number of things, in order to avoid the calamity of being ignorant of everything. -Sydney Smith Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock. -Ben Hecht Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know. -Cullen Hightower Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. -Georg Christoph Lichtenberg Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. -Leo Buscaglia I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well... Technology is anything that was invented after you were born. -Alan Kay The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. -John F. Kennedy It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs. -Oxford University Press, Edpress News The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing. -John Powell People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. -Elizabeth Kubler-Ross Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw. Fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Compiled 2008 by Jiri Matejicek, Instant Wisdom. Feel free to copy anything you like. If you decide to redistribute the whole file, please leave this note within -including the URL.