COLLECTION OF QUOTES 31

Some people are like slinkies... not really good for anything, but
it's still fun to watch them tumble down the stairs. 

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow,
next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability
afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen. -Winston Churchill

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well
known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. -Fred Allen

Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped. -African Proverb

Drawing is putting a line around an idea.

Land is the only thing God ain't making no more of.

You can't change the tides, but you can learn to swim.

I haven't failed, I just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
-Thomas Edison

Candy is dandy
But Liquor is quicker
-Ogden Nash

If you stay ready, you ain't gotta get ready.
-Will Smith

Live for something or die for nothing!

But he who dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose.
-Anne Bronte

Guts win more games than ability. -Bob Zuppke

Don't let sleeping dogs lie. Insist on the truth. -Jiri Matejicek

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...'
-Isaac Asimov
Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.

Each time history repeats itself, the price goes up.

We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking
for victory.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus

Don't snort coke, snort Dr. Pepper.

After being turned down by numerous publishers, he had decided to
write for Posterity. -George Ade

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
-Jules Renard

A rose without thorns is like love without heartbreak; it doesn't make

The rose has thorns only for those who would gather it.
-Chinese proverb

Examine what is said, not who speaks. -Arabian Proverb

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting
than sex. -Edgar Wallace 

According to a new study, ladies and gentlemen, you can improve your
memory by watching less TV, doing crossword puzzles, eating more fish
- I can't remember all that. -Dave Letterman

The U.N has evidence of global warming. And right now they are working
hard, around the clock to do nothing about it. -Dave Letterman

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small

Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye.

Early to bed, early to rise, and your girl goes out with other guys.

You should learn to love your enemies just in case your friends turn
out to be a bunch of bastards. -R. A. Dickson

If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then
there'd be peace. -John Lennon

If you can't feel gratitude for what came to you, be thankful for what
avoided you. -Todd Beeler

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with
which I will not put. -Winston Churchill

Everyday courage has few witnesses. But yours is no less noble because
no drum beats for you and no crowds shout your name.
-Robert Louis Stevenson

Nobody gets to run the mill by doing run-of-the-mill work.
-Thomas J. Frye 

I think it's easy to mistake understanding for empathy - we want
empathy so badly... It's hard and ugly to know somebody can understand
you without even liking you. -Thomas A. Harris, Hannibal

One falsehood spoils a thousand truths. -African Proverb

You never achieve success unless you like what you are doing.
-Dale Carnegie

A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

"When will my raise be effective?"
"The same time you are."
- Wally, Catbert (from Dilbert)

A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

The frog does not drink up the pond in which he lives.
-Native American Proverb

Another sign seen at a swimming pool:
Welcome to our ool.
Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.

This is not art to me, all these squares and things. Real art has, you
know, like a madonna in it.
-Unknown (from a guest book at an exhibition of modern art)

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of
what I am saying. -Oscar Wilde

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher and that is a good thing
for any man. -Socrates 

Anger at lies lasts forever. Anger at truth can't last. -Greg Evans

Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate
version of somebody else. -Judy Garland

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once
he grows up. -Pablo Picasso

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will
insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
-Terry Pratchett

Armor - The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a

Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?

We must not kill the earth, we wouldn't know where to bury it.
-Michel Granger

Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Remember...a developer is someone who wants to build a house in the
woods. An environmentalist is someone who already owns a house in the
woods. -Dennis Miller

Beer Coat: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a
booze cruise at three in the morning. 

All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
-Henry Youngman 

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to assure the continuation of
the species. -Somerset Maugham

“I’m not as think as you drunk I am”

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of
himself, undisturbed by the facts. -Finley Peter Dunne

More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of
government. Well, that's because the three stooges are more likely to
get something done. -David Letterman

In giving you are throwing a bridge across the chasm of your solitude.
-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the
illusion of knowledge. -Daniel J. Boorstin

The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is
generally employed only by small children and large nations.
-David Friedman

Art is creating something beautiful where nothing existed before.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to
please everybody. -Bill Cosby

I am not young enough to know everything. -Oscar Wilde

Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.
-Chinese Proverb

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and
persuade themselves they have a better idea. -John Ciardi

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the
hard work you already did. -Newt Gingrich

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy
driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Kind words are short to speak, but their echoes are endless.

Economics is an entire scientific discipline of not knowing what
you're talking about.

The great French Marshall Lyautey once asked his gardener to plant a
tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow growing and would
not reach maturity for 100 years. The Marshall replied, 'In that case,
there is no time to lose; plant it this afternoon!' -John F. Kennedy

Let no man pull you low enough to hate him. -Martin Luther King Jr.

I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much
liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
-Thomas Jefferson

Have the courage to be ignorant of a great number of things, in order
to avoid the calamity of being ignorant of everything. -Sydney Smith

Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading
newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand
of a clock. -Ben Hecht

Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying
what we know. -Cullen Hightower

Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as
including our own. -Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around. -Leo Buscaglia

I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know
my way around pretty well...

Technology is anything that was invented after you were born.
-Alan Kay

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.
-John F. Kennedy

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it
is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It
isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
-Oxford University Press, Edpress News

The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.
-John Powell

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the
sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is
revealed only if there is a light from within. -Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to
pound in the correct screw.

Fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed.


Compiled 2008 by Jiri Matejicek, Instant Wisdom.
Feel free to copy anything you like. If you decide to redistribute the
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