COLLECTION OF QUOTES 30

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying
himself a pleasure. -Ambrose Bierce 

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

Truth will not make us rich, but it will make us free. -Will Durant

Excellence does not require perfection. -Henry James

What is the meaning of life? Whatever you want it to be. -James Frey

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise,
trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and
still be calm in your heart.

You've got to think about big things while you're doing small things,
so that all the small things go in the right direction. -Alvin Toffler

I can resist all things but I can't resist temptation.
-Norman Danyael Teh

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-Woody Allen

Beauty is worse than wine, it intoxicates both the holder and
beholder. -Immermann

I bet that Van Gogh guy cut off his ear by accident and made up that
'lost love' story so he wouldn't look stupid. -Andy Pierson   

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day.
When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short,
chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. 

A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the
poor to protect them from each other.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -Henny Youngman 

When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what
I did at work. I told her I worked at a college -- that my job was to
teach people how to draw. She stared at me, incredulous, and said,
"You mean they forget?" -Howard Ikemoto

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
-Earl Wilson 

Quotes are nothing but inspiration for the uninspired. -Richard Kemph

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred
days of sorrow. -Chinese Proverb 

Success if often the result of taking a misstep in the right
direction. -Al Bernstein 

f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng. -fortune

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree
and the woman gets her Master.

The truth is that there is nothing noble in being superior to somebody
else. The only real nobility is in being superior to your former self.
-Whitney Young

Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too
sleepy to worry at night.

I wish to you your life to be like toilet paper. Long and useful.

There is nothing so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and
more sense than we have. -Don Herold

Truth, like surgery, may hurt, but it cures. -Han Suyin

The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for supper
and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator.
-Bill Lawrence   

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to
me: "Basement?" -Rodney Dangerfield   

It's good to be back in New York but the crime situation has gotten
bad. When I was getting off the plane I saw the pilot putting the
'club' on the steering wheel. -John Mendoza   

The best of a book is not the thought which it contains, but the
thought which it suggests; just as the charm of music dwells not in the
tones but in the echoes of our hearts. -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a
friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. -Franklin P Jones

There are two kinds of light: the glow that illumines, and the glare
that obscures. -James Thurber   

Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.

It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If
they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow
men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui. -Helen Keller   

When everything seems to be going against you, remember the airplane
takes off against the wind, not with it. -Henry Ford   

A Zen master once said to me: Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.
So I didn't.   

My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a
strong placebo, but I don't think it's working. -Fred Marcum

A good day is when you wake up without a chalk outline around your

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a
while, you could miss it. -Ferris Bueller

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly
realized I was talking to myself. -Peter O'Toole

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly
comes close. -Mark Twain

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse
interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to learn
that it is God shaking them.

Virtue is often the result of insufficient temptation.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few
of us left. -Oscar Levant

The worst prison is a closed heart. -Pope John Paul 2nd

It's nice to be important, but more important to be nice.

There are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not
do them. -Charles D. Gill  

The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy in the world won't
work - if you won't. -Zig Ziglar

For the person for whom small things do not exist, the great is not
great. -Jose Ortega y Gasset

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu 
speech. -Mark Twain

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action,
where it often substitutes for both. -John Andrew Holmes

As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual
certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I
became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can
meet girls. -Matt Cartmill

You must not give the world what it asks for, but what it needs.

We can only see a short distance ahead, but we can see plenty there
that needs to be done. -Turing

There are many questions which fools can ask that wise men cannot
answer. -Polya

This principle is so perfectly general that no particular application
of it is possible. -Polya

In order to solve this differential equation you look at it till a
solution occurs to you. -Polya

Distance is a great promoter of admiration! -Denis Diderot

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to
have learned English - up to fifty words used in correct context - no
human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. -Carl Sagan

Strive for excellence, not perfection. -H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
-Herbert Henry Asquith

There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little -
and it's always somebody else. -Cullen Hightower

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before
marriage and after marriage.

Industrious people create industry. Lazy people create civilization. 
-Hideo Nakamura

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and
a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
-E. B. White  

Unless you're willing to have a go, fail miserably, and have another
go, success won't happen. -Phillip Adams

Truth is eternal, knowledge is changeable. It is disastrous to confuse
them. -Madeleine L'Engle

Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes
it permanent. -Marilyn vos Savant

Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.
-Arj Barker

A great way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror.
Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too

Only an unlit candle lasts forever.

Killing time murders opportunities.

God gives every bird a worm, but he does not throw it into the nest.   
-Swedish Proverb 

We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgment. -Libbie Fudim

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much 

According to a new study, eating ice cream increases a woman's chance
of getting pregnant. Actually, eating ice cream increases a woman's
chances of looking pregnant. -Conan O'Brien

Life is like drawing without an eraser.

England and America are two countries separated by the same language.

Man is harder than iron, stronger than stone and more fragile than a
rose. -Turkish proverb

To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. -Chinese Proverb   

Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.   
-Swedish Proverb   

Love can turn the cottage into a golden palace. -German Proverb   

He who begins many things finishes but a few. -Italian proverb

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead. -Ken Gillespie

It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what
we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what
we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we
practice that gives us integrity. -Francis Bacon

Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only
you can feel the warmth.

How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make
some woman miserable.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old
for it. 

What if you have a cure for apathy, and nobody cares? - Gary Renard

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
-Bob Hope

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good
as mine.' -Bob Hope

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. -George Carlin

Life is a riddle; unfortunately the answer's not written on the back
of anything.

DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"...

Bugs come in through open Windows.

Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep.

Vuja De - the feeling you'll be here later.

Reality is that part of the imagination we all agree on.

Peace with a club in hand is war. -Portuguese Proverb 

The greatest conqueror is he who overcomes the enemy without a blow.
-Chinese Proverb

Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a 
virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. -P. J. O'Rourke

My company mascot is the bumblebee. Because of its tiny wings and
heavy body, aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly.
But the bumblebee doesn't know that, so it flies anyways.
-Mary Kay Ash

War is fear cloaked in courage. -William Westmoreland


Compiled 2007 by Jiri Matejicek, Instant Wisdom.
Feel free to copy anything you like. If you decide to redistribute the
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