COLLECTION OF QUOTES 27

Stealing an election is as effective as winning it fairly.

A smile confuses an approaching frown.

I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy
asked, "Do you have any firearms with you?" 
I said, "What do you need?"   
-Steven Wright   

They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming.
Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took
the car keys and drove to Arizona. -Bob Hope/Gene Perret

Giraffiti: Concrete art, spray-painted very, very high.

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you
cannot live without.

Prayers are always answered. Unfortunately, the answer is usually

Vinylocity: The strange atmospheric force that makes the shower
curtain blow towards you while trying to shower.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.

Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong.
-Sir Winston Churchill

Great talents are the most lovely and often the most dangerous fruits
on the tree of humanity. They hang upon the most slender twigs that
are easily snapped off. -C. G. Jung

We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight
on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight
in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we
shall never surrender. -Sir Winston Churchill

One that would have the fruit must climb the tree.
-Thomas Fuller

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-Arthur C. Clarke

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button
finger. -Frank Lloyd Wright

Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and
the last fish been caught will we realize we cannot eat money.
-Cree Indian Proverb

The tree which moves some to tears of joy is, in the eyes of others,
only a green thing which stands in their way. -William Blake

Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world. –John Muir

If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is
in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as
a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald
before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.
–Henry David Thoreau

A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense. -Woody Allen

Trees are poems that earth writes upon the sky. We fell them and turn
them into newspapers that we may record our emptiness. -Kahlil Gibran

He who plants a tree plants a hope. –Welsh proverb

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does
bathing-that's why we recommend it daily. -Zig Ziglar

The best things in life aren't things. -Art Buchwald

To know what people really think, pay regard to what they do, rather
than what they say. -Rene Descartes

If you want to be heard, whisper.

In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities:
integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if they don't have the first,
the other two will kill you. —Warren Buffet 

Never lose a chance of saying a kind word.
-William Makepeace Thackeray

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.
-Mother Teresa 

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired,
signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not
fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. -Dwight D. Eisenhower

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to
remake the world ... as in being able to remake ourselves.
-Mahatma Gandhi 

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the
right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.
-J.S. Bach

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
talking about themselves.

Moral: don't blindly adopt what works for someone else without knowing
*why* it works. -Rufus Polson

No amount of careful planning can ever replace dumb luck. 

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she
knows that the average man can see much better than he can think. 

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin —
real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to
be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be
served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on
me that these obstacles were my life. -Fr. Alfred D'Souza 

I think most hiccup cures were invented for the amusement of the
patient's friends. -Hobbes, Calvin & Hobbes

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
-Mark Twain 

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others
judge us by what we have already done. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.
-Henry David Thoreau

You must become an old man in good time if you wish to be an old man

Witch, n. (1) An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with
the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a
league beyond the devil. -Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory. 
-Franklin P. Adams

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. -Dilbert, Scott Adams

The highest form of wisdom is kindness. -Linda Berman

Most dog owners are at length able to teach themselves to obey their

I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden
name. -Paula Poundstone

Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have
acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the
silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it
possible for evil to triumph. -Haile Selassie

History is a vast early warning system. -Norman Cousins

History is Philosophy teaching by examples. -Thucydides

History is a child building a sand-castle by the sea, and that child
is the whole majesty of man's power in the world. -Heraclitus

History goes out of control almost as often as nature does.
-Mason Cooley

History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the
timid. -Dwight D. Eisenhower

History and experience tell us that moral progress comes not in
comfortable and complacent times, but out of trial and confusion.
-Gerald Ford

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history,
luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price. -Robert Orben

I went to a good school where some of our foremost politicians learned
their three R's - this is Ours, that is Ours, everything is Ours.

It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday
is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow. -Robert H. Goddard

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask
any Indian. -Robert Orben

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
-Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
-Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write 
faster than anybody who can write better.
-A. J. Liebling (1904-1963)

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought 
which they avoid.
-Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

This book fills a much-needed gap.
-Moses Hadas (1900-1966) in a review

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in 
practice, there is.
-Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to 
solve other problems.
-Rene Descartes (1596-1650), Discours de la Methode

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the 
silence of our friends.
-Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
-George Burns (1896-1996)

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
-Paul Erdos (1913-1996)

Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back.
-Paul Erdos (1913-1996)

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by 
those who don't have it.
-George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of 
fools. Let's start with typewriters.
-Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're
all the same!

Football is a game in which a handful of fit men run around for an
hour and a half watched by millions of people who could really use the

A sense of humor is the lubricant of life's machinery.

I forget, therefore I was.


Compiled 2004 by Jiri Matejicek, Instant Wisdom.
Feel free to copy anything you like. If you decide to redistribute the
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