COLLECTION OF QUOTES 22 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid. There are two possible outcomes: If the result confirms the hypothesis, then you've made a measurement. If the result is contrary to the hypothesis, then you've made a discovery. -Enrico Fermi Politics is a pendulum whose swings between anarchy and tyranny are fueled by perennially rejuvenated illusions. -Albert Einstein Half of all marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds. The other half end in death. There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience. -Archibald McLeish Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. School... It's not what you've got, it's what you use that makes a difference. To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking. -Goethe Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming. -Goethe How to become immortal: Read this tomorrow and follow its advice. "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?" -Homer Simpson Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. We cannot change the direction of the wind ... but we can adjust our sails. Some days are a total waste of makeup. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. Black holes are where God divided by zero. Webbies... A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. Leadership is getting someone to do what they don't want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve. -Tom Landry Atheism is a non-prophet organization. A mistake is not an error unless one refuses to correct it. -O.A. Battista One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation. -Arthur Ashe It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. -Andre Gide Don't let us think our little jobs are hardly ever seen. Remember every blade of grass helps make the meadow green. Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don't complain about the draught. Never argue with a man carrying a water buffalo. If you haven't much education you must use your brain. A comfortable falsehood will always win out over an uncomfortable truth. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe. We swallow with one gulp the lie that flatters us, and drink drop by drop the truth which is bitter to us. -Denis Diderot Go as far as you can see, and when you get there, you'll see farther. The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in while, or the light won't come in. -Alan Alda Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. -David Henry Thoreau There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes move toward it. Daring ideas are like chess men moved forward. They may be beaten, but they may start a winning game. -Goethe _Yesterday_ was the deadline for complaints. Sports do not build character. They reveal it. -Heywood Hale Broun If you are going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship Bureau]. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork? -Stanislaw Lem May today be better than yesterday, but, not as good as tomorrow. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, a good cook, and great in bed. But the law allows only one wife. I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent. Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old. Seek what they sought. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. -Truman Capote Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. -George Bernard Shaw I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one... It wasn't doing what I was doing. -Steven Wright What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef! Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. Never answer a hypothetical question. -Moshe Arens If the enemy is in range, so are you. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. The most dangerous of all falsehoods is a slightly distorted truth. -G. C. Lichtenberg No matter what accomplishments you achieve, somebody helped you. -Althea Gibson It is easier to fight for one's principles than live up to them. -Alfred Adler Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts. You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration. -James Allen Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. -Jack Benny Love doesn't just make the world go 'round, it makes the ride worthwhile! A fight to the death between zombies has a few inherent problems. Answers given with authority negate the search for truth. -Neil Innes Silence is foolish if we are wise, but it is wise if we are foolish. We are what we pretend to be so we must be careful what we pretend to be. -Kurt Vonnegut I saw a place it had a sign: Topless, Bottomless. I went inside, there was no one there! -Rodney Dangerfield Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use. -Charles M. Schulz When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. How come the bullets that work are fired, and the ones that don't work are not? Unsure about which brand of packaged food to purchase? Buy the one with the fewest number of ingredients whose names you have trouble pronouncing. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed. -Booker T. Washington Think much, Speak little, Write less. Politics... The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them. Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year. -Franklin P. Adams It is better to be good than to be original. -Ludwig Mies van der Rohe If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya. A company is known by the people it keeps. Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries. -James Michener The block of granite which was an obstacle in the path of the weak, becomes a steppingstone in the path of the strong. -Thomas Carlysle I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar. -Robert Brault No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. -Aesop Fear not the path of truth for the lack of people walking on it. -Arabic Proverb In my house I am king, and my law is that whatever my wife says shall be done. How is marriage like a hot bath? ... Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy. -Henry Kissinger Why go around half dead if we can bury you for $49.50? Digger O'Ball's Funeral Parlor ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Compiled 2002 by Jiri Matejicek, Instant Wisdom. Feel free to copy anything you like. If you decide to redistribute the whole file, please leave this note within - including the URL.