COLLECTION OF QUOTES 22

If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

There are two possible outcomes: If the result confirms the hypothesis,
then you've made a measurement. If the result is contrary to the
hypothesis, then you've made a discovery. -Enrico Fermi 

Politics is a pendulum whose swings between anarchy and tyranny are
fueled by perennially rejuvenated illusions. -Albert Einstein 

Half of all marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds.
The other half end in death.

There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and
that is not learning from experience. -Archibald McLeish

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
effort to teach them good manners. 

It's not what you've got, it's what you use that makes a difference.

To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world
is to act in accordance with your thinking. -Goethe

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help
them become what they are capable of becoming. -Goethe

How to become immortal: Read this tomorrow and follow its advice.

"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?" -Homer Simpson 

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

We cannot change the direction of the wind ... but we can adjust our

Some days are a total waste of makeup. 

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
in a garage makes you a car.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a 
one-way street.

Leadership is getting someone to do what they don't want to do, to 
achieve what they want to achieve. -Tom Landry

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

A mistake is not an error unless one refuses to correct it.
-O.A. Battista

One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to
self-confidence is preparation. -Arthur Ashe

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what
you are not. -Andre Gide

Don't let us think our little jobs are hardly ever seen. Remember
every blade of grass helps make the meadow green.

Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don't complain
about the draught.

Never argue with a man carrying a water buffalo.

If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

A comfortable falsehood will always win out over an uncomfortable

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

We swallow with one gulp the lie that flatters us, and drink drop by
drop the truth which is bitter to us. -Denis Diderot

Go as far as you can see, and when you get there, you'll see farther.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.

You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your
windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in while, or the light
won't come in. -Alan Alda

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.
-David Henry Thoreau

There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes
move toward it.

Daring ideas are like chess men moved forward. They may be beaten, but
they may start a winning game. -Goethe

_Yesterday_ was the deadline for complaints.

Sports do not build character. They reveal it. -Heywood Hale Broun

If you are going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill

The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship Bureau].

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget

Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork? -Stanislaw Lem 

May today be better than yesterday, but, not as good as tomorrow.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.

Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a
friendly level.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, a
good cook, and great in bed. But the law allows only one wife.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,
the 'Y' becomes silent.

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old. Seek what
they sought.

Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. -Truman Capote

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it
ceases to be serious when people laugh. -George Bernard Shaw

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one... It wasn't
doing what I was doing. -Steven Wright

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can
roast beef!

Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive 
days I've stayed alive.

Never answer a hypothetical question. -Moshe Arens 

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it 
back to you when you have forgotten the words.

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to 

The most dangerous of all falsehoods is a slightly distorted truth.
-G. C. Lichtenberg

No matter what accomplishments you achieve, somebody helped you.
-Althea Gibson

It is easier to fight for one's principles than live up to them.
-Alfred Adler

Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.

You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your
dominant aspiration. -James Allen

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it 
doesn't matter. -Jack Benny

Love doesn't just make the world go 'round, it makes the ride

A fight to the death between zombies has a few inherent problems.

Answers given with authority negate the search for truth. -Neil Innes

Silence is foolish if we are wise, but it is wise if we are foolish.

We are what we pretend to be so we must be careful what we pretend to 
be. -Kurt Vonnegut

I saw a place it had a sign: Topless, Bottomless. I went inside, there
was no one there! -Rodney Dangerfield

Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.
-Charles M. Schulz

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.

Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

How come the bullets that work are fired, and the ones that don't work 
are not?

Unsure about which brand of packaged food to purchase? Buy the one
with the fewest number of ingredients whose names you have trouble

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. 

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting

I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the
position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has
overcome while trying to succeed. -Booker T. Washington

Think much, Speak little, Write less.

The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the 
conservative adopts them.

Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of 
the year. -Franklin P. Adams

It is better to be good than to be original. -Ludwig Mies van der Rohe

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there with ya.

A company is known by the people it keeps.

Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries.
-James Michener

The block of granite which was an obstacle in the path of the weak,
becomes a steppingstone in the path of the strong. -Thomas Carlysle 

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I
cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.
-Robert Brault 

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. -Aesop

Fear not the path of truth for the lack of people walking on it.
-Arabic Proverb

In my house I am king, and my law is that whatever my wife says shall 
be done.

How is marriage like a hot bath? ... Once you get used to it, it's not 
so hot.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much 
fraternizing with the enemy. -Henry Kissinger

Why go around half dead if we can bury you for $49.50?
Digger O'Ball's Funeral Parlor


Compiled 2002 by Jiri Matejicek, Instant Wisdom.
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