INSTANT WISDOM

                       COLLECTION OF QUOTES 20
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People will believe anything if you whisper it.

We come to love not by finding the perfect person but by learning to
see an imperfect person perfectly!

Love is the selfless promotion of the growth of the other.
-Milton Mayeroff

You never test the depth of a river with both feet.
-African proverb

The greatest weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the
oppressed. -Stephen Biko

Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the
dictionary?

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little
extra.

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used
when we created them. -Albert Einstein

Even a mosquito doesn't get a slap on the back until it starts to work.

If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more 
thought. -Dennis Roch

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he
gives it to. -New England saying 

The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who
are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
-Albert Einstein

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz
380SL. -Lynn Lavner

You can lead a fool to wisdom but you can't make him think.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

And on the 8th day God said, OK Murphy, you take over.

Love truth, but pardon error. -Voltaire

It's nice to be important, but more important to be nice.

Don't believe everything you think.

Idealist: One who upon observing that a rose smells better than a
cabbage concludes that it will also make better soup.

The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the 
stairs... one step at a time. -Joe Girard

Give the people a new word and they think they have a new fact.
-Willa Cather

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire
to live, taking the form of readiness to die. -G. K. Chesterton

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people that annoy
me.

The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on
forecasters.

Reason can answer questions, but imagination has to ask them.
-Ralph Gerard

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no
survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to 
survival. -C.S. Lewis

The mind is like the stomach. It's not how much you put into it, but
how much it digests. -Albert Jay Nock

We are always doing, says he, something for posterity, but I would
fain see posterity do something for us. -Joseph Addison

Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is
wrong?

People are illogical, inconsiderate and self-centered. Love them
anyway.

Success is when your name is in everything but the phone book.

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true
measure of our thanksgiving. -W. T. Purkiser

The brain is a wonderful thing....it starts working the minute you get
up and never quits until your boss asks you a question at work...

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I
would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used
everything you gave me.' -Erma Bombeck 

The first and greatest commandment is, Don't let them scare you.
-Elmer Davis 

What could be worse than having climbed the ladder of success, only to
find it is against the wrong wall.

I doubt therefore I might be.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.

Everyone wants a bus service to their door, but no one wants a bus
service in their street. 

Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs
at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full
of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but
assholes. 

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. -Francis Bacon

It is right noble to fight with wickedness and wrong; the mistake is
in supposing that spiritual evil can be overcome by physical means.
-Lydia Maria Child

No one worth possessing can be quite possessed. -Sara Teasdale

I finally quit smoking by using the patch. I put six of them over my
mouth. 

I would sooner live in a cottage and wonder at everything than live in
a castle and wonder at nothing! -Joan Winmill Brown

Eight-nine percent of the American public performs poorly on general
mathematics questions. The other 38% don't.

The fear of life is the favorite disease of the 20th century.
-William Lyon Phelps

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are
not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is
not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers,
the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a
way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is
humanity hanging on a cross of iron. -Dwight Eisenhower, 1953 speech

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an
uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.
-Helen Keller

The means of defense against foreign danger historically have become
the instruments of tyranny at home. -James Madison

It may be necessary temporarily to accept a lesser evil, but one must 
never label a necessary evil as good. -Margaret Mead

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
-Henny Youngman

Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for
the rest of your life. -Michael Sinz

Never try to leap a chasm in two jumps.

We occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of us pick ourselves
up and hurry on as if nothing happened.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more
useful than a life spent doing nothing. -George Bernard Shaw

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone
should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
-Derek Bruce

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his
tail.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's
much too dark to read. -Groucho Marx 

Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing:
no one is to blame. -Erica Jong

If They Don't Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain't Going. 

There is a continuing, mandatory need for heresy in its most profound
sense; for freedom to choose and follow truth wherever it leads.
-William Edelen 

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it
goes on. -Robert Frost 

Everything is always okay in the end; if it's not, then it's not the
end.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the
guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're
open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row." -Steve Wright

We all have ability. The difference is how we use it. -Stevie Wonder

When it's time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.
-Henry David Thoreau

Knowledge is like a garden: if it is not cultivated, it cannot be
harvested. -Guinean saying

Accomplishing the impossible only means the boss will add it to your
regular duties.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
-Herbert Prochnow

A language is a dialect with an army.

What makes a leader - intelligence, integrity, imagination, skill:
in brief, statecraft? Not at all. It is the fact that the man has a
following. -Gerald W. Johnson

Reflect upon your blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on
your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. -Charles Dickens

Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching.
-Thomas Jefferson

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a
faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant
and has forgotten the gift. -Albert Einstein

A person is grown up not when they can take care of themselves, but
when they can take care of others.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday
night. -Woody Allen 

Those who would give up essential freedoms for security, deserve
neither freedom nor security. -Benjamin Franklin

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his
friends.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.

President Bush says our schools need to do a better job of teaching
mathematics, and I agree with him 150 percent. -Dave Barry

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Compiled 2002 by Jiri Matejicek, Instant Wisdom.
Feel free to copy anything you like. If you decide to redistribute the
whole file, please leave this note within - including the URL.

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