COLLECTION OF QUOTES 18

Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their
best light. -Jennie Jerome Churchill

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?'
Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'"
-Charlie Brown

It is better to give a rock out of love than a diamond out of duty.

Not only am I redundant & superfluous, but I also tend to use more
words than necessary.

If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will 
usually find that he is.

Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself

Success is that peace of mind that comes from knowing you've done
everything in your power to become the very best you're capable of
becoming. -John Wooden

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

Laziness: Resting before you get tired.

Your doctor will tell you that giving up red meat, strong drink,
tobacco, late hours, and the company of those of loose moral
character will mean you'll probably live longer. I don't know if
that's true or not, but I can tell you one thing's for sure: it'll
sure as hell _seem_ longer. -Steve Siegfried

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. 
-Arthur C. Clarke 

Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient
means for going backwards. -Aldous Huxley 

Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. If we continue
to develop our technology without wisdom or prudence, our servant may
prove to be our executioner. -Omar Bradley

There's only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn
what it is, I'll get married again. -Clint Eastwood

Reputation is a bubble which a man bursts when he tries to blow it for
himself. -Emma Carleton

If you do the best you can, you will find, nine times out of ten, that
you have done as well as or better than anyone else. - William Feather

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- that myth is
more potent than history. I believe that dreams are more powerful than
facts -- That hope always triumphs over experience -- That laughter is
the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than
death. -Robert Fulghum

He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my
contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him
the spinal cord would suffice. -Albert Einstein

Do not fear death so much but rather the inadequate life.
-Bertolt Brecht

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving
words in evidence of the fact. -George Elliot

One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am
having a good time. -Nancy Astor

Women should not have children after 35. Really...35 children are

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

"No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning."

"If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead
rabbits on the highway?"

"How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for
Miss America?"

I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

Every time I see a good looking girl in a bar I remember Mom's wise
words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast."

Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while

A historian is a prophet in reverse. -Friedrich von Schlegel

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.
-Arj Barker

You can't always get what you want.  But, if you try, sometimes you
just might find, you get what you need. -Rolling Stones

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in
your pocket then giving Fido only two of them. - Phil Pastoret

A collective tyrant, spread over the length and breadth of the land,
is no more acceptable than a single tyrant ensconced on his throne.
-Georges Clemenceau

When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he
hasn't the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.
-Otto von Bismarck

When writing about nothing, try to be succinct.

Politics is show business for ugly people. -James Carville

Life is like a field of newly fallen snow. Where I choose to walk,
every step will show. -Denis Waitley

Every day you miss playing or practicing is one day longer it takes to
be good. -Ben Hogan

Happy Birthday! You look great for your age--almost lifelike!

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and 
there was only one life jacket--I'd miss you a lot and think of you 

It is not the fact of liberty but the way in which liberty is
exercised that ultimately determines whether liberty itself survives.
-Dorothy Thompson

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
I've forgotten this before.

You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only
decide how you're going to live. Now. -Joan Baez

Be very, very careful what you put into that head, because you will
never, ever get it out. -Thomas Cardinal Wolsey

Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and
what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays
you've celebrated. 

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. -Henry J. Kaiser

Analyzing humour is like analyzing a frog: you can do it, but the frog
tends to die in the process.

If everyone swept his own doorway...what a clean world it would be.

Put all your eggs in one basket and---WATCH THAT BASKET!

Hate hatred, if you want to be loved.

Time is what you make of it - it does not exist.

If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything.

I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people's
accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man's failures.
-Earl Warren

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall
instead of using it. -Gordon R. Dickson

You cannot reason a person out of a position he did not reason himself
into in the first place. -Jonathan Swift

There are two great rules of life, the one general and the other
particular. The first is that everyone can, in the end, get what he
wants if he only tries. This is the general rule. The particular rule
is that every individual is more or less an exception to the general
rule. -Samuel Butler

A gentle stream can split a mountain, given enough time.

If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.

Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.

To a worm, digging in the hard ground is more relaxing than going

To change and to improve are two different things. -German proverb

Among other things, a volunteer is sometimes someone who, when asked
to volunteer, can't come up with a good excuse not to.

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass 
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs 
to be.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish 
what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips, a gallon
of ice cream and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. 

When Congress balances the budget, we end up budgeting the balance.

If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who
invented the other three, he was the genius.

Never hit anyone with glasses. Instead, use your fist.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government
without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not
hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. -Thomas Jefferson

Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find
out what they want and then advise them to do it. -Harry Truman

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with a small

We think in generalities, but we live in detail.
-Alfred North Whitehead

Love conquers all, unless of course you're playing tennis.

Time wounds all heels. -Jane Ace

In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you
want the other person. -Margaret Anderson

You'll never succeed beyond your wildest dreams unless you have some
wild dreams!

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness
and growth occurs while you're climbing it. -Andy Rooney

Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the
instrument as one goes on. -Samuel Butler

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident it
makes you wonder about history. 

To have more than you've got, become more than you are. -Jim Rohn

Tolerance always has limits - it cannot tolerate what is itself
actively intolerant. -Sidney Hook

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the
silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King

Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival. -W. Edwards Deming

A man who throws dirt loses ground.


Compiled 2001 by Jiri Matejicek, Instant Wisdom.
Feel free to copy anything you like. If you decide to redistribute the
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