Definitions By Mom   
   

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat   
strained beets.   

APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade   
for cupcakes.   

BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child,   
even if he's 42.   

BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all   
except Mom to be self-cleaning.   

BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be   
explained logically.   

BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for   
themselves.   

CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always   
winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who   
have had the most sugar.   

COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the   
kids eat dinner.   

DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying   
about the kids in a different setting.   

DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.   

DUST RAGS: See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR."   

EAR: A place where kids store dirt.   

ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of   
until asked to do something.   

EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom,   
can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly   
handled butter knife.   

FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question,   
"What's for dinner tonight?"  See "SARCASM"   

GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids.   

HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but   
not containing, dirty clothing.   

HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirtsleeves, drapes, etc.   

HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.   

ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic   
tray if kids or husbands ever filled the things instead of   
putting them back in the freezer empty.   

JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about   
any occasion, including church and funerals.   

JUNK: Dad's stuff.   

KISS: Mom medicine.   

LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys   
powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table,   
chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six   
minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.   

MAYBE: No.   

OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for   
kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several   
dozen toy boats, cars and animals.   

OPEN: The position of children's mouths when they eat in front   
of company.   

OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.