Woman's Dictionary   

* Yes = No.   
* No = Yes.   
* Maybe = No.   
* I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.   
* We need = I want.   
* It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious   
  by now.   
* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.   
* We need to talk = I need to complain.   
* Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.   
* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron.   
* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.   
* I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper.   
* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.   
* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.   
* How much do you love me? = I did something today you're   
  going to hate.   
* I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a   
  good game on TV.   
* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.   
* Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.