12/27/02
 
DHSS Quotes. The following extracts are perfectly genuine - taken from
actual letters sent to the DHSS (Social Security). Although rather crude
they are written in good faith by the senders:


I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is a lie
as I married his father a week before he was born. 

Mrs. Smith has no clothes and has had none for over a year. The clergy have
been visiting her.............

In reply to your letter, I have already cohabited with your officer with no
results so far.

I am pleased to inform you that my husband who was reported missing, is
dead.

Mrs. Adams has asked me to collect her money as she is going in to hospital
to have her overtures out.

Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children one of which
is a mistake as you will see.

My husband is diabetic and has to take insolence regular but he finds he is
lethargic to it.

Unless I get my husbands maintenance money soon I shall be obliged to live
an immortal life.

The children have been off school because there is a lot of measles about
and I had them humanised.

Please forward my money at once as I have fallen into errors with my
landlord and milkman.

You have changed my little boy into a little girl. Will this matter? 

Mrs Brown only THINKS she's ill, but believe me she is nothing but a
hypodermic.

In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in the
enclosed envelope.

I want my sick pay quick. I have been in bed under the doctor for a week and
he is doing me no good. If things don't improve I shall get another doctor.

I do not get any money from my son. He is in the army and his regiment is at
present manuring on Salisbury plain.

Milk is wanted for my baby and the father is unable to supply it. 

Re your dental enquiry. The teeth on top are alright but those on my bottom
are hurting dreadfully.

I am sorry I omitted to put down all my children's names. This was due to
contraceptional circumstances.

The lavatory is blocked. This is caused by the boys next door throwing balls
on the roof.

This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door.