03/17/02

ABSURD SIGNAGE


In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."


On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."


Outside a radiator repair shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."


In a nonsmoking area: "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on
fire and take appropriate action."


On a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the
dog."


At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."


At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a
car payment."


Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary.  We'll hear you
coming."


In a dry cleaner's emporium: "Drop your pants here."


In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Back in 5 minutes.  Sit! Stay!"


At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your
bill. However, if you don't, you will be."


On the side of a garbage truck: "We've got what it takes to take what
you've got."


In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and
get fed up."


Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet.  We need to hear a pin drop."