02/01/01

SIGNS OF THE TIMES

Veterinarian's Office sign:
"All unattended children will be given a free kitten"

Plumber's Shop:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

Pizza Shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a Plastic Surgeon's Office:
"Let us help pick your nose."

Sign at the Psychic's Hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

At a Towing Company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

On an Electrician's Business:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Veterinarian's Office:
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!"

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
action."

On Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push."

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's Office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a fence:
"Salesmen Welcome: Dog food is expensive."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary, we'll hear you coming."

Inside a Bowling Alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a Counselor's Office:
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional."

Lot outside Veterinarian's Office:
"Parking for Customers Only, all others will be Neutered."