6/3/98

Funny Crime Attempts


Louisiana:
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked
for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and
gives you money, was a crime committed?]


Florida:
[Uh, pardon our English] A thief burst into the bank one day wearing
a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief
yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F**K-UP!" For a moment,
everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely
lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life,
because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and
fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at
large. In memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the
wall engraved "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a f**k-up!"

Arkansas:
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was
caught on videotape.

New York:
As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the
car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
"Yes Officer..that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

Seattle :
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motorhome's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Ann Arbor :
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 am, flashed a gun and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away.

Kentucky:
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain
from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine,though, they pulled the
bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still
attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still
attached to the bumper.

Newark :
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was
a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone,
and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the
newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the
thief was arrested.