In the Beginning
God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a
class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact
statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was
stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part.

Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly
project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be

Then God said, "Let there be light", and immediately the officials
demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip
mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light
would come from a huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional
permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from
the ball of fire: that he would obtain a building permit; and to
conserve energy, would have the light out half the time. God agreed
and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night".
Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.

God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many
seed". The EPA agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said,
"Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl
that may fly over the earth". Officials pointed out this would
require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the
Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.

Everything was O.K. until God said he wanted to complete the
project in Six days. Officials said it would take at least 200 days
to review the application and impact statement. After that there
would be a public hearing. Then there would be 10-12 months before...

At this point God created Hell.

1996 | 1998