2/26/96

Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on 
the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell 
you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No 
one will answer.